This Man’s Point of View

Two children on a long road | A Place for Starr by Howard Schor and Mary Kilpatrick

Starr is back from her hiatus. The voices of the children in pain are rarely heard from directly. Our book “A Place For Starr” gives a voice to the children at the center of the cyclone of a life that should be filled with wonderful memories of growth and peace of mind, yet are fraught with turmoil and fear.

Those of us who have been on the planet for quite a while know that this is an endemic persistent problem of many of the male species. This blog is directed at US.

This Man’s Point of View

Like many, I have been away, immersed in other significant projects and in groundhog daily deeds or as a more enlightened soul put “it” (life) carry water, chop wood.

But Starr’s and the agony of all the Starr’s continue. Unabated?

Yet in my life, the stories of the Starrs of the world has always been close by, present in the near corner of my soul. As the man who co-created Starr, I am aware, I must by my very nature and my history be somehow distant from the visceral and psychological experiences of young girls’ (and boys’) mauled by “abuse”. I am however totally dedicated to our mission: Uncovering a solution to this domain of mens’ hatred toward others and ultimately to himself.

I now reiterate, to make more widely known, my declaration to change the hackneyed catchalls domestic violence and domestic abuse to the hopefully more motivating to action and certainly the more accurate phrase: DOMESTIC TERROR. Though not unlike the Timothy McVeigh, or Sandy Hook type terror, here is something more dire as Starr’s terror is ever-present and continuous.

My main audience for this piece are males 7-97 as they are far less likely to be victims of home terror and also far less likely to be committed to its eradication.

The daily NEWS broadcasts tend to make a “moon” of domestic terror. It is always present, but most often invisible in the light of other daily havoc and atrocities.

Men of decent faith – I pose this question to ponder: How much of the violence children feel and or are witness to is the root cause of the evil men do in the world?

I assert all men, save the terrorists, can agree that the woes adults wreak on our country and the world at large most often begins in a terror filled home. Prolonged terror begets terror.

There are only so many ways to use language to promote action. Men, what can you do? I go back to my basic premise: Educate yourself, your family, most importantly your children to be aware, to recognize the results of this evil. When they see these symptoms, to confront their intuitions and observations head on. By “head on” I mean for all to learn, be taught, to ask themselves, “Is my perception really happening?” If you-they answer “yes”, you must take action.

To inquire with gentle empathy will yield the most truthful responses. Know that many times responses are not expressed in words like “Yes, my grandfather or father hits my mother”, “My father or grandfather does (says)______ (to) me and my brother and sister and mother.”

The answer is often shown in a facial expression, a head down, drooping at the shoulders, a rapid or thinly disguised shake of the head, a deep inhale, a blank look or simply a turning away, a holding of the breath – some indication – as your inquiry will surely spark a return of the terror they will encounter upon returning to their home.

Of course a tell-tale signal is the acting out against the weaker – the mirroring of the abused, the cycle continued. Remember terror begets terror.

I urge you to somehow communicate to your children about this scourge. “A Place For Starr” is quite unique in expressing these harsh realities in a caring, palatable, yet direct manner.

Our children will get it, if you allow yourself to feel the pain of millions of children who are subjected to this terror, and let your own children in on this “thin” secret. Bring it into the light. Educate yourself on the current laws, contribute money and wisdom in your neighborhood or via social media and possibly get more deeply involved. Fight terror with change and courage.

And of course to those more directly in the line of fire. Those beaten and humiliated: Speak up! Get out. And lastly to you, the terrorists, get help, leave, or just…die.